I was in our old kitchen, and a large metal rack with spikes at strategic intervals was standing up to one side. An executioner walked into the middle, with the black mask and everything, and waited solemnly. I immediately recognized the rack as a modern, minimalist iron maiden. It was very antiseptic-looking, with a smooth gleam. There was no door, only you were just supposed to lean against it and eventually gravity would take care of everything. The executioner explained that there were pressure points set up on the rack, such as for your chest, that would let you live just long enough to know and feel everything that was going to happen. Then he announced that my coworker John was to be executed! They didn't say the crime. I was particularly upset because we were supposed to play computer games later that day. There were four classroom desks with attached seats to the side, facing perpendicular to the rack. John's wife Meredith calmly walked in and sat down. It was minutes away. At the last second, I couldn't watch and left.

So I went to a sushi restaurant and was eating eel rolls (which you had to put together yourself) with a friend. I was shaking my head over the execution, but didn't say anything until a second friend joined us. I started telling him about the device and John's demise, and how inhumane it was while I ate. He was horrified. "Yes," I said, "it would be terrible - if it were real." He looked relieved and chuckled a bit, thinking I had made it up. I said, "No, it's not that, it's that this is a dream so it'll be all right after I wake up." He looked at me weirdly but kept eating.

posted by Larry at 9:10 AM

I was sitting at my co-worker's farewell dinner and was sitting at a table near the door. One of the other tables finished and filed out, and I waved to them as they passed (I had been the first to leave in real life, and we had been at one large table). Ale and another girl were trying to pay, and she asked the waitress if they could do separate checks. The waitress said no problem, and started to draw on a chalkboard the heights of the people who were sitting at certain seats. Apparently someone was 4'10". I was impressed that this was how she remembered people's bills. As we walked outside, I saw Chinatown across the street and remarked that I wanted to get some egg custard tarts.

Next, I was testing out a remote-controlled flying chair flown by Merry, who was still only my girlfriend at the time. It was literally just a green rolly-chair, cushioned, with a smooth plastic finish that I sat in while it flew 30-40 feet in the air. It felt fantastical and terrifying at the same time. We were on a beach, and the test was meant for spy reconnaissance missions. There were a few people playing volleyball, and they watched me curiously as Merry tried to fly me over a barbed wire fence. It took a few bobs up and down, but I just made it over - gripping the arms tightly as I went. As I touched down, I complained that it needed a seatbelt, or at least some additional grips for me. By this time I was talking to an older hispanic maid with her hair in a bun. She just shrugged and said she would see, but couldn't promise anything.

We were about to start again, when I saw the clouds had turned a sinister black - and sure enough, a twister was just touching down a few blocks away! We ran inside Merry's house and just barely got the keys into the basement door lock. It was pitch black, and I ran to the nearest window to look out while the maid sat down uninterestedly on the couch to watch TV. I slowly remembered that it was a split-level house, so it wasn't a true basement! That got me seriously worried. But soon, as my eyesight adjusted, I could see sky through the clouds and knew we were safe. In those dark gaps, I could see a dazzling array of stars that got brighter as I watched. Suddenly, the skyline started to spin rapidly and I couldn't watch anymore without getting dizzy. Around this time, Merry's parents got home, and I called out to them about the spinning view. Her father called back "Oh yes, it must be that time of night." I went back upstairs to the gorgeous sprawling house (nothing like Merry's real family home!). Her parents looked like her real-life boss and his wife. They seemed annoyed that I was there, but didn't say anything.

As they prepared dinner, they turned into my aunt and uncle, and my cousin Justin was sitting at the dinner table. He told me that the neighborhood watch had come by and noticed that our door was unlocked. He asked me if it was me that had forgot to lock it this morning - which I had indeed. But I lied and said I definitely remembered locking it, and pretended to be offended. It wasn't my first time, and I didn't want to look like it was a bad habit. So I readied my defense in case they said anything further, which would have been to claim that I admitted it last time, so I was honest person - but they didn't say anything more. As I sat down to dinner, they brought out two fancy plates, one of lobster with the pieces already separated and cracked, and one of octopus. I noticed that they looked kind of similar, with the spikes on the lobster shell looking like the suckers on the octopus, which were pointier than in real life. In any case, just as I was about to grab a piece, the last one was taken just like that! My uncle and aunt had become by parents now, and my mom scolded me for being so slow. Then she tried to guilt trip my dad by saying that he had eaten the most and should have left some for me. I said, "Mom, I know you're trying to make Dad feel bad, but you're just making me feel bad." She got real angry and wouldn't talk anymore.

Next I know, I was on a boat with Michael Westin from Burn Notice. He had been captured by a mob boss who looked kind of like a young Larry Flynt, dressed in a white suit and white cowboy hat. Michael was tied to a chair and looked drowsy, as he had been given some kind of chemical shots by a team of doctors. The boss laughed and said he knew Michael was going to tell him everything he wanted to know. I was apprently Michael's sidekick, but everyone pretty much ignored me. The boss said he would just give it a little time to work and left the room. As soon as he left, a nurse went over to give Michael another shot. He asked her to come a little closer and to show him her little finger. She did, and he immediately broke free from his ropes, wrenched her finger back, grabbed the syringe and ran out of the room. A couple rooms over, he entered in on a nurse leaning against a counter and crying. He asked her was the matter was, and she exclaimed that they had found one of the doctors dead from karate chops. Michael pretended to comfort her, but he sprang out the door just as the ceiling collapsed! Three doctors fell down along with a bunch of needles and finally all covered by a large blue sheet. Michael jumped back into the room and began jumping up and down on the sheet, killing everyone underneath with the needles and broken syringe glass. He had set up the trap, and I thought it was totally unneccesary overkill!

Michael then made his way to the deck of the boat, which was a sightseeing cruiser with many tourists. He turned into Gordon Ramsey, and he began asking a couple tourists and me (having become a tourist myself) whether he should stay and fight the boss, or jump into the water and swim to shore. Me and another guy said to jump, but the other tourist was worried that Gordon could get dragged under the boat. Gordon was indecisive, especially as he didn't want to mess up his hair by swimming. But just then, then boss noticed that Gordon had escaped, as we could tell from a little electronic map device. As the boss got closer, we could hear that he had a lot of men with guns. At the last second, Gordon jumped into the water. We quickly looked over the railing, but couldn't see him - but somehow we knew he was safe. Just then, I saw a huge manta ray go by further off in the crystal-clear waters, and I thought about how beautiful everything was.

posted by Larry at 8:39 AM