I took Lia, who was about 3 years old, to a new daycare center. It was located on a corner in a rough neighborhood, in a run down old house with a chainlink fence – a little sketchy. They had kept delaying the start date, which was really inconvenient, but finally opened. I carried her in and it had cheap carpet, an old sofa, and all in all looked kind of like my old church that was in an abandoned farm trailer. I was nervous, but had to get to my Chinese class.

The teacher had emailed us a request for movie clips that she could show and translate into Chinese during class. For a laugh, I sent clips that I found on reddit for an awful 90’s movie called “Turtle Warrior”. When I got to class, I saw that it was arranged as long rows of 3 wooden tables per level ascending up raised flooring, in a darkened auditorium. I was a bit anxious because I wasn’t sure that I would know anyone there. To my surprise, I saw a couple people that I had somehow met the day before, but every time I went over to say hi, a crown of people say down next to them.

I reluctantly sat down in the only nearby remaining seat, which was at an empty table. I was in my underwear and a shirt, and for some reason I took my underwear off before sitting down – I think maybe I thought I was going to the bathroom. I pulled my shirt down to cover myself, but didn’t want to attract any attention by trying to put my underwear back on.

The teacher started with Ni Hao, which showed up as a very festive video in large white letters and dynamic splash backgrounds. We then moved on to numbers, and every time a new number came up, the whole room cheered like if they were at a sports game. The teacher then moved onto the video clips submitted by the students. I figured mine would get lost in a sea of submissions, but Turtle Warrior came on first!

It was about a spy whose special skill was that a magical red shell would form on his back to absorb hits. It was of course super cheesy and cheap. All of the clips were of him fighting ninja and other bad guys in an old video game kind of way, like they would flash when hit and so on. After a few clips with no dialogue, the teacher finally translated one word that the hero shouted, which I can’t remember. As it went on, I slowly realized two things: first, that after many clips, almost no Chinese was being taught; and second, no other clips were being played. It turns out I was the only one who submitted any!

After the clips, a new set of students poured in for the second half, and filled up all additional seats. A very large woman sat down next to me and introduced herself. I was relieved because I could now put back on my underwear while she blocked other people from seeing me. After a few more minutes, I just couldn’t stand the class anymore and I left.

I went to pick up Lia. I had forgotten to bring diapers at first, so this time I brought extra. I then absentmindedly started to put them on myself! I caught myself halfway and tried to find my pants. The head teacher showed me some new pants on a hanger in the coat roam, and kept trying to give me new hangers, but they were rusty. I politely declined and headed home.

We had bought cookies on the way home, and they were in a cardboard box, resting on a lattice of cardboard. They were good! But as we ate the cookies, we saw a small cockroach crawling out from under the lattice! Merry grabbed it with her bare hands and threw it away. Nervously, I pulled up the lattice, and to our horror it was swarming with roaches. I sprayed them with Raid and they scattered. I shook the box and a few dead roaches were stuck partway out of the lattice. They had super long antenna, and I put the box on my nightstand out of fear. As I lay on my bed, I could see peripherally that the antennae were growing ridiculously long, almost touching my face. As they were just about to brush up against me, I woke up, relieved.