I was in a college dorm room, and Dave Chapelle was my roommate. He was complaining about not having any weed, so I told him I had some weed substitute and gave him some leaves. I laughed nervously (as he pulled out his pipe) that I didn't even know how to smoke it. He didn't respond. He smoked it from a tinfoil-covered pipe using an acetylene torch to light the leaves. He liked it a lot and blew lots of smoke into the air. I then lay down on my bed and started filling out some forms and eating popcorn. Dave also had to fill out the forms and asked me to help him out. Except now he was someone named James whose English was poor (he seemed to be Asian). I helped him out as best I could. Soon, the RA, who was an African-American girl, came in and accused me of filling out the forms illegally or something. She made me go down to the basement's "discussion room" to have a talk about it.

In the room, we argued for a while, and then she noticed that I had filled in one of the blanks labeled "password" with the entry password to another dorm. She got really angry that I knew it, and I lied by saying that it didn't matter because it was the password from last year. She said it was current, and I said I was sorry and didn't know any better. She calmed down but was still angry. We started talking about some other aspect of the form, when she made some comment about further restricting my building access. By that time a couple other RAs had come in as well. At that point I got really pissed off about the building accusations/punishments for stupid stuff, so I picked up a nearby calculator and angrily threw it down on my chair. I immediately felt remorseful and said I was sorry and that they could kick me out of the dorm now if they wanted.

The Resident Head then came in to have a one-on-one with me, after hearing the commotion. A bunch more RAs also came in to sit at the big discussion table. The RH and I sat down on a couch a short ways away and I talked about how I had been pushed to anger by the RA and that I was just frustrated about the school year in general. He responded (after a lot of emotional cajoling from me) that he understood and had gone through some of the same things as me when he was in college, such as making new friends and finding a girlfriend. The whole time he talked to me, I was unable to open my eyes fully and could never look at him directly. I kept rubbing my eyes, which felt glued together, and trying to open them with my hands, but to no avail. He also showed me a gel, possibly a southern blot, which supposedly represented his slow success in making friends in college.

I walked back to the big table, which by now had 8-9 RAs sitting around it, and said, "Well, it's open season on me now," which was supposed to be a joke. No one laughed. I explained by saying that it didn't mean that I was "hunted" now but that they were welcome to criticize me if they wanted. One of the RAs looked like Laci Peterson, which was kind of creepy. Anyways, the original RA was apparently named Asha, though she didn't look anything like the real-life Asha.

I went back to my room, accompanied by the original RA and the RH, who said hi to "Jimmy." Once they left, I grumbled about them and started to pick up my forms from my desk. I then heard Sheq call out from the hall that they could just make it to lunch if they started running now. I got hungry and wondered if I could get there in time after finally finishing the forms. Then I woke up.

posted by Larry at 1:36 PM